Married at 21

I just recently celebrated my first anniversary with my handsome, sweet, hilarious, and very hard-working husband! We got married May 25, 2013 surrounded by all our family and friends. It is still so surreal to me that I have been married for a year already! It's also crazy to think that I'm celebrating this anniversary at only 22 years old. If you would have told me in high school I would be married at 21, celebrating my first anniversary and ALSO expecting my first child at 22... I would have told you that you were crazy. And I would mean that whole-heartedly too! This is why...

My whole life I've been told I'm too picky or that I expect too much, and I even believed that about myself. If the marriage conversation ever came up before, I would always tell people that I'm probably gonna be at least 35 or 40 before I got married because it would take that long for me to find someone. Even though I would laugh when I said it, I truly worried that I would really never find the "right" guy, and if I did find him, I would be too busy picking him apart to notice he was "the one". I've dated a few sweet guys throughout high school, and also some not-so-sweet guys as well. Some guys were perfect on paper, but the relationship just never seemed to work out. If it was a good guy and didn't work out, I would wonder what on earth was wrong with me. I would try to figure out what I could have done or said better. Let's be honest... it sucked! It sucks when you think in your head you've found a great guy who you've felt you've done everything right with, just to feel like a failure when it doesn't work out. If I could send a message to high-school Shelby, I would tell her that good things aren't working out because God has even BETTER things planned. I would tell her that NOTHING is wrong with her, except for the fact that she's not trusting God in His timing! Eventually, towards the end of my senior year of high school, I decided to let go of what I wanted for relationships and to just stop worrying about guys all together. I decided to just focus on finishing off a great senior year, and just give the dating situation to God. Around the time of graduation, I had an idea of what I wanted in a guy, even though I still wasn't looking for "that" guy. I knew I was still young, and that I shouldn't be in a hurry. I knew that I only wanted to date with the intentions of finding the one I would one day marry. So I told God, "You know what, this is what I want." And I described exactly what I wanted. I prepared myself for a long wait. I figured maybe in college, maybe after college graduation, or maybe when I start my career. Just two weeks later, I met a guy named Jason at church and got to know him as we were preparing to be leaders at our church's summer youth camp. We became friends very quickly, and just had fun and laughed together! It felt so natural, but I wasn't ready to jump into anything just yet. I still wanted to focus on my relationship with God and allowing Him to lead me in the direction He wanted me to go. I still couldn't help but notice that Jason was everything I asked for, and then WAY more too! Seeing him lead and serve at camp was truly unforgettable, and seeing him worship God freely and whole-heartedly was my absolute favorite thing about him. The fact that he was truly seeking God and a man after God's own heart was so huge to me. What I also loved about him was that I always knew where he stood. He was confident and sure of what he wanted, and he PURSUED me. I had no questions about his feelings or his intentions or where his interests were because he chose me and then pursued. Can I tell you how refreshing that is? In a society where a lot of men expect the women to do the pursuing, and in a society when many men choose to pursue more than one woman at once, and in a society where women feel the need to pursue men because they aren't pursuing God or the men in their lives aren't pursuing them... It felt so good to be pursued by a real, godly man, and to know that his intentions were only for good. God literally blew my expectations of what I wanted and prayed for in a man, which was so insane because I went from thinking I was asking too much, to trusting God and allowing Him to bring a man into my life who was far more than I ever asked or prayed for. We stayed friends and courted a little throughout the summer, until August when we "officially" started dating. As if God hadn't done enough, we also realized that we were both attending the same college in the fall. He had applied last minute just a week or two before we met, and miraculously got accepted even though he was very late to apply! 

 Our whole relationship has truly been an unexpected but perfect gift from God. He has been with me through some of the hardest times in my life, and also the best times of my life, honestly because he was involved. We have cried together, we have laughed together, and then we have laughed and cried together even harder. He is my best friend and I love going through day-to-day life with him! I couldn't imagine it any other way. People like to question "young marriage" as if I'm missing out on life as a single woman. Let me tell you something... Nothing about the single-woman life sounds appealing because I am truly happy and having the best time of my life living and being married to my best friend?! I am having to learn to laugh off the comments people make about young marriage because I don't expect them to understand how amazing it is since they haven't experienced it. I hope they do experience finding the man or woman of their dreams and marrying them one day, but I know until then, they might just be close-minded. All I know is that you don't question a gift from God, and that's exactly what Jason and this marriage has been to me! We may not be what some consider financially comfortable or successful or whatever word you want to use, but we didn't say "I do" because we were agreeing to a perfect, trouble-free life. We said "I do" because we were promising each other to laugh, cry, celebrate, and struggle through life together, knowing God is our guide and true comfort through it all! 

All of this being said... I believe God has a different journey for everyone. I don't believe there's a right or wrong age for everyone to get married! I know people who have gotten married younger than me and have happy marriages, and I know people who've gotten married later than me and in all different stages in life and also have happy marriages. A God-orchestrated marriage is never at the wrong age or time! It will happen in perfect timing for God's plans for your life. Trusting the Lord in every journey, praising Him in the single season, and remembering Him and keeping Him first in the dating/marriage season is the only key to the joy and peace people are looking for. 

If you are discouraged, whether single or dating, remember how truly loved and precious you are to God! He made you for a reason and with a purpose. Being single doesn't mean that something is wrong with you! Often, it is God's way of protecting you from heartbreak and carrying baggage into your future marriage. Being dumped doesn't mean something is wrong with you, either! Take joy in knowing that God has better plans for you! If you are in a relationship where you know God isn't the center and you are unsure where it is heading... PRAY. If you have to lock yourself in your room or bathroom or closet and just get on your knees and talk to God... do it! Every second you spend in a relationship that isn't meant for you can bring you more harm and more heartache. If you still don't feel peace about that relationship, or if you feel God is telling you to let that relationship go, do it. The longer you wait, the more harm it causes the both of you. Things only get worse when you hold onto a relationship and a man that isn't for you! Find those sisters in Christ and go to them for prayer and encouragement to help you get up and out of that situation. God will bless you for your obedience. He will protect you and He will comfort you. God has a more perfect plan for your life, and all you have to do is give Him the reins! It is so, so worth it. And it is so rewarding. 

Wishing you all lots of love, happiness, and peace from above :)

xo

Shelby Cheryl