When Pain Changes You

Have you ever been hurt? Of course you have. You're human, surrounded by other humans. It's inevitable. Maybe that sounds negative or pessimistic, but we live in a fallen world. It's messed up. Turn on the news to see exactly what I mean.

But my question is... What happens after the hurt? Maybe it's from an insult, a betrayal, a breakup, a loss, a tragedy, or anything else that leaves you feeling wronged or in pain. What happens when your heart feels hurt, maybe even broken? You change. You will change... every. single. time.

I've been hurt in more ways than one. Everyone has. I was even hurt by people who called themselves Christians... my brothers and sisters in Christ. I would consider it bullying to a certain extent. I was young, too. Didn't understand how people I was so close to could hurt me like that. There's a certain age in life you begin to realize that the world isn't full of kind, caring people who want the best for you. I was at that age. Without realizing it, I began to change. It wasn't for the better. I was so confused that these people I trusted and loved so much could cause me to feel alone, betrayed, and hurt, and so I became bitter. I decided that no one else would treat me (or my loved ones) like that again. If anyone hurt my family or friends, and I had the opportunity, I would let them know how bad they messed up. I would tear into them with my words. For lack of better words, I would say I got really good at telling people off. I would talk such a big game and was ready to back it up physically if I needed to. The pain that other people caused me made me bitter, ugly inside, and ready to attack in defense of myself or anyone I loved. Some people don't see what's wrong with that... they subscribe to the belief that you protect yourself and your family at all costs. This brings to mind a part in one of my favorite movies... Madea Goes to Jail. I'm a huge Madea fan! Watch this clip. It's hilarious, but it's exactly how I felt and how some people still feel...

There's your comic relief for this long post! On a serious note, I believe a lot of people think like Madea does. You gotta get those who get you. But that's not how God sees it... Romans 12 tells us how to treat those who wrong us. These verses specifically hit the nail on the head in how we are called to respond:

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:14,17-21.

Why did I tell you that story? I don't like to bring it up often because I've forgiven these people, and I don't want to rehash stuff from the past. The reality of it is that Christians aren't perfect (Romans 3:23), and we can get it wrong, especially if we're not seeking Christ with our whole heart or lacking the Holy Spirit. I just need you to hear me tell you "I did it wrong!" because I don't want to do life like that. I've learned something... and that's that your pain can leave you bitter, or you can let it make you better. You will either regress or progress as a person; there's no other option. Let's get really REAL for a second. There is an enemy, and his name is Satan. He wants you to regress, to become bitter, to internalize and fossilize that pain in your heart. He wants it to leave scars that make appearances in all of your future relationships. The enemy comes to STEAL, KILL, and DESTROY. You've probably heard that a lot... but think about it in terms of what he's trying to do to you. He's trying to destroy and break your heart.

But God!!

Satan's trying to give you pain to focus on instead of focusing on our beautiful, perfect Father in heaven who loves us so deeply and wants to heal us from the inside-out! "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20. This verse reminds me of my amazing brother who is ministering in Australia, Fiji, and Indonesia for a full two years. He has been through and done a lot, but God!! He has transformed Dusty from the inside out. He is sharing the love of God, bringing people to Christ, and God is using his group of young men and women to heal people wherever they go. I'm telling you... God is so real. He can literally and physically turn that pain you're feeling into GOOD! He can heal you and make you better. He can create a testimony of His love for us out of your story! He can create a testimony out of anything ugly and devastating that the enemy used to break you and kill you. He CAN and WILL restore you... if you just allow Him to. Romans 8:28 says: "And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Choose God. He heals, protects, restores, and delivers those who follow Him. God is an expert on repairing broken hearts. He doesn't just fix them, He makes them stronger, too. With God, pain can make you better!

Uprooted

          As most of you know, we made the move from Carrollton, Texas to Geronimo, Oklahoma right after the new year! Let me tell you what that looks like. It's going from living in a city of 126,700 people to 1,243. From grocery stores, drugstores, Chipotles, gas stations, movie theaters, shopping malls at every corner, to two convenience stores in the whole city (our favorite being Rob & Wendy's) and livestock at every corner. From a city I loved and grew up in since birth, to a vastly different and unfamiliar little town. We left family, friends, a church home, and life as we knew it behind... we were completely and totally uprooted.
          What most people didn't know is how much we were struggling financially. We got married at a young age and were still in college, so we hadn't established careers for ourselves in any form or fashion. We knew if we kept God first in our marriage as best we could, even if it was difficult, we would make it together. We found out we were having a baby less than a year into marriage. It was the best news, but nonetheless, a major surprise! I was still working on my degree, Jason was taking a break from school and working full time, and (as I'm sure y'all know) life is expensive! I was graduating in August, the baby was coming in November, and we were hardly getting by as it was. The only thing that kept us able to cover any bills was Jason's hard work, extra income from Nerium, and most of all, tithing. God is so faithful and stood in the (financial) gap for us that first year and a half of marriage. We still weren't financially thriving by any means, and we knew that we didn't want to continue barely getting by, and that God had way more in mind for us as well. The day I gave birth to Lola, Jason got a call from a friend at church with a possible job opportunity. Jason told me that he had been praying and asking God for a way to provide for our growing family the whole time I was pregnant. He said he was even wondering when he would get an answer as Lola's due date was quickly approaching. That phone call was a gift from God and in His perfect timing!
          One thing I always told Jason is that if we ever had to relocate anywhere for a job, it would have to be Oklahoma for me to go! I said it jokingly, but I was so serious. I loved my little DFW bubble. Well, our God has such a sense of humor, doesn't he? Sure enough, this job opportunity would require us to move to Lawton, Oklahoma. I guess I should have been more specific and said I would only move to Norman, Oklahoma (Boomer Sooner!!). Not only was he going to get a significant pay-raise, but he would be provided with a car, cell phone, laptop, and more. We prayed about it and knew we had to pursue this, even if it meant sacrificing by moving away and out of our comfort zone. So, we loaded up our two fur-children and newborn baby and moved right outside of Lawton, to Geronimo. One of the first signs that God had His hand on us in this moving process was getting approved for the perfect house for our family, and then finding out once we had moved in that we had the sweetest God-loving neighbors! Once we were all moved in, our family and friends who had come to help drove home, and reality set in. It was just the five of us.
          Jason's new job requires some traveling. I'm a pretty independent individual, but it's so different when you're a new mom in a new place with a little baby and two dogs to take care of. Thankfully, a few of the times he has been gone, my mom has come up to help me (and of course she gets to see her first grandchild!), and my dad just came up recently to help me nurse our big baby of a german shepherd back to health after he had surgery. It's been two months here, and even though I have had some help, I am handling it a lot better than I thought. A lot of people have asked me if I'm homesick at all or if I miss it back home. I do miss my family and friends back home, but I don't think I feel homesick. I have thought that I would have had a breakdown by now. I LOVE Texas and all of the people and things that come with it. I am truly a fish out of water here in Oklahoma. Honestly, I know I have way more joy and contentment right now than I did before moving. I also know that it's absolutely, positively because of the time I have been spending with God and trying to keep my focus on Him! Although I'm still not great at sitting down and getting into the Word everyday as I know I could be, I am putting more of a conscious effort into my relationship with Him than I have in a while. I am trying to learn to "rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) because I know that is the only way that I can enjoy a joyful and blessed life regardless of circumstances! It's something that I will have to continue to learn to do. It's not easy, and it goes against our human nature and the nature of this world. 
          When Chief, our dog, was sick, it was really serious. We literally thought we were going to lose him. Jason was in New York City at the time (and still is), and we were trying to fight back tears on the phone together. We love our dogs like family and weren't prepared for something like this to happen. I kept thinking about what would happen if he passed, how much worse it would be if it happened with Jason gone in New York, and it was really hard to stop thinking like that. It's human nature. I had a night where I just had to cry it out because I had held all the emotions in for so long, and I just kept praying out loud that God would heal him, and it wouldn't turn out to be cancer or anything else life-threatening. He didn't recover from surgery well at first and wouldn't eat right away, but within a few days, he got his appetite and energy back and returned to the fun-loving dog he has always been! As small as this may seem to other people, it feels like a miracle in our world! God knows the desires of our hearts and He cares about what we care about. It's only been a week since all of this happened, and I can look back and pinpoint the times I should have had more faith. I'm grateful that God is already turning that rough patch into an opportunity for my growth. 
          My mom just left today after helping me with Lola the last couple days. This little girl is so precious and adorable... but let me tell you, she has has some lungs on her. She has been crying a lot more than usual, and it's been a challenge even for the two of us! After my mom left, one of her crying episodes began. I tried to go down the list of things that usually make her stop crying, and just like the last few days, they didn't work. I literally got to the point that I just didn't know what else to do. I finally just laid my hand on her (felt called to put it on her left ear?) and prayed that if she was experiencing any pain or if there was anything else that was causing this crying, that it would be gone and healed in the name of Jesus. She stopped crying immediately! It was seriously the coolest thing. There's so much power in the name of Jesus! She looked so confused and as if she didn't know what to do with herself because she had been crying so long. She started to act like she was going to cry again, and I said, "Don't cry! You're healed!" And she stopped and smiled. I kept thinking that it was too good to be true. She had been fighting her sleep all day, so I was nervous if I put her down, she would start crying again. "O ye of little faith" (Matthew 8:26) is what came to mind as I thought she would surely start crying if I put her down for a nap. So, I put her down, and she looked around for a little bit, and then fell asleep. That is the easiest she's gone down for a nap in probably a week or two. If you're not a mom, it may hard to understand this. But... it's a miracle! A miracle this mommy needed. This was another learning experience for me as I am now thinking... "Why didn't I try this sooner?!" God's power is the same today as it was yesterday. We just don't know it until we have the faith to call on it!

For this and other beautiful wooden wall hangs, visit @rusticwildarrow on Instagram or  https://www.etsy.com/shop/rusticwildarrow

          I know this has kind of been a smorgasbord of little stories, but it's the little faith journey I have been on since moving to Geronimo. I saw this beautiful wooden plaque on Instagram the other day and realized this is exactly what I'm doing. Our family may have been uprooted, but it made me learn to grow where I've been planted.

xoxo Shelby

P.S.-To my Texans out there... Turns out God loves Oklahoma too! ;)

Mommy's Favorite Things

When I was pregnant, I was constantly searching "registry must-haves" and "registry checklists" on Pinterest. I did so much research on what items were the best on the market and the best for my little baby! In honor of Lola turning three months this week (where is time going?!?!), I decided to create a list of my own! This is not a complete checklist of what you'll need to buy or register for, but it is definitely a list of products that I LOVED, products that work wonderfully for newborns (or at least mine), and products that just make life a little easier! Hope that you find something on this list that you will love too! (P.S.-There is no special order to this list... I'm never been too organized!)

1. Fisher-Price Cradle 'N Swing, My Little Sweetie

          This thing is AH-MAZING!!! I am currently able to write this post solely because little Lola is swinging peacefully in this swing. When we are in the living room and she needs to take a nap, we put her in this, turn the music and mobile on, and she falls asleep pretty quickly. She LOVES it. Every once and a while when I need to set her down for a second if I need to do laundry or dishes or even just eat lunch, I'll stick her in there. Even if she's still wide awake, she will stare, smile, and sometimes giggle as she watches the mobile spin. It is seriously awesome, and I definitely recommend!

2. Crane Drop Shape Ultrasonic Cool Mist Humidifier

          I never understood what humidifiers are for... and then I had a baby. I can actually tell a difference in the days we do use it overnight and when we don't (specifically in the winter). Lola Jade always has more issues with congestion and dry skin when we forget to use it. Buy this, and use it!

3. Gerber Printed Pre-Fold Burp Cloth

          "What's so special about burp cloths?" you may be asking yourself. Let me tell you... burp cloths are special. Very special. Baby spits ups? Burp cloth. Baby drools everywhere? Burp cloth. Milk spills? Burp cloth. Baby snots everywhere? Burp cloth. I'm thinking you're getting the picture. You never know what kind of other scary messes you might be cleaning up. Babies specialize in getting all kinds of bodily fluids everywhere. Burp cloths for the win. And... the cheaper, the better.

4. Boppy Bare Naked Nursing Pillow

          The famous Boppy pillow. At first, this thing felt totally awkward. I didn't understand it. A few times experimenting with body placement and this thing will be your favorite prop when you and baby are getting the breastfeeding process down. Also, it makes a great prop to sit them up (as long as mama is still present and monitoring). Girl, go getchu a cute cover, too! Boppy Slipcovers

5. Tommee Tippee Travel Bottle and Food Warmer

          This was a whopping $13. If you are breastfeeding and pumping exclusively, you aren't supposed to microwave the milk for a few reasons. I heat breastmilk up in hot water, so this was perfect for us. It works for any brand of bottles, and you don't need batteries or electricity to use it when you're out and about!

6. Infant Optics Digital Video Baby Monitor with Night Vision

          If you want a video monitor that won't break the bank, check this one out! It's right under $100 and works like a charm. I love the fun, bright blue color of it, too! Amazon never fails me.

7. Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Newborn Starter Kit

          Tommee Tippee is supposed to be one of the best to prevent "nipple confusion" (yes, that's a thing) when breastfeeding. Every baby is different, so I'm going to pass on the advice my sister-in-law gave me: try one bottle before you buy the set. Lola did well with this bottle, so we bought this starter kit complete with four bottles, a sippy cup, and a bottle brush. These bottles are so cute and pink too, so of course that's a bonus!

8. Marc by Marc Jacobs "Pretty Nylon Eliz-A-Baby" Diaper Bag

          I don't have this diaper bag personally, but it was one of the most requested and highest recommend diaper bag when I was working in a Nordstrom's handbag department. Any good quality, nylon diaper bag is the best option because they're lightweight and won't weigh 50 lbs by the time you get all your crap in there! I prefer neutral colors so it matches everything and can go with baby boy or girl stuff. This Marc by Marc Jacobs diaper bag in grey is perfect!

9. Philips Avent Soothie Pacifiers, 0-3 months

          This is the only pacifier Lola would take, and it just so happens to come in a variety of fun, bright colors! I waited until the advised 6-8 week range to give one to her though, in order to prevent the nipple confusion mentioned earlier. P.S.-these work great with pacifier clips!

10. Bandana and Infinity Bibs

          Lola got an infinity bib (=infinity scarf+drool bib) from her cousin for Christmas, and it is amazing. We love that thing! There are both bandana and infinity bibs that are great for babies prone to drooling and spitting up. I'm convinced Lola could win the gold in an Olympic drooling contest, but if I put one of these on her I spare myself a lot of outfit changes! Totally worth the money. Etsy is loaded with cute options!

11. Boon Grass Countertop Drying Rack

          We find ourselves hand washing bottles often, and this drying rack and the accessories that go with it are life savers! It has such a simple, appealing design too so it's not an eyesore in your kitchen.

12. Soft Gear My Deluxe Changing Mat

          Spare yourself the difficulty of buying and washing multiple changing pad covers. Buy the one in the link above! It is impermeable to fluids and therefore can be easily cleaned by wiping it down which prevents any bacteria growth. It is worth every penny!

13. Loved by Sophia Braided Leather Pacifier Clip

          If your baby is going to use a pacifier, you're going to want (need) a pacifier clip! My personal favorite is these adorable ones from Loved by Sophia on Etsy! Even if your baby doesn't use a pacifier, these work great for teethers and other toys and keep them from getting lost or falling on the floor. They are such great quality and also come in lots of pretty colors and different shaped clips!

14. Insulated Water Mug 

          I think these are pretty standard issue when you give birth in a hospital. If for some weird reason you didn't get one or lost yours and are breastfeeding, I highly recommend investing in one of these! I'm pretty sure most moms who still use theirs could rant and rave about how awesome these are all day... I am definitely one of them. These help you stay hydrated all day which is important for milk supply!

15. Fisher-Price Newborn Rock n Play Sleeper

          My friend Danielle introduced me to this thing. I bought one for her to sleep in while traveling or hanging out around the house because it folds up nicely, and this ended up becoming her bed for nighttime too! We swaddled Lola until just recently, and when we laid her in the bassinet swaddled, she would roll over. Obviously that's not safe for a swaddled newborn, so this was perfect for keeping her upright overnight! I love this sleeper, and I am going to be so sad when she outgrows it!

16. SwaddleMe Muslin Blankets, 3-Pack

          If you can't tell already, we are all about that swaddle life. These were the best swaddle blankets! This was the first swaddle blanket we used when we were in the hospital. We got them in the color "Lavender Diva" and they were perfect for my little diva-child. Animal print is always the answer.

17. HALO SleepSack 100% Cotton Swaddle

          Once again: Swaddle. Life. Lola has been a pretty good, sound sleeper, and I think it has to do a lot with us swaddling her. Newborns often deal with the Moro reflex (AKA startle reflex) and can wake themselves up because of it. The HALO SleepSack worked so well and kept her perfectly swaddle all night. This is better for babies' safety than letting them sleep in swaddle blankets overnight. I would get a few because we used ours every night!

18. Nuk Reusable Nursing Pads, 8 count

          If you're going to breastfeed, leaking milk is going to be something you'll experience for a while (yes, it's a glamorous life we live). They have disposable ones as well, but these have worked well for me, and I don't have to keep buying them! I just throw them in with the baby laundry and then they're ready to go!

19. Medela Tender Care Hydrogel Pads

          Another great one for breastfeeding. These were LIFESAVERS! Whoever said "breastfeeding doesn't hurt if you're doing it right" either: A) is full of crap, B) haven't breastfed a day in their life, C) breastfed and for some odd reason already had calloused nipples of steel. Breastfeeding is so painful when you're getting started for a variety of reasons. The first two and a half weeks was so hard. These were one of the products that got me through that time. I highly recommend them, despite the high price! If you're lucky, the nurses might have samples to give you in the hospital. USE THEM!!!

20. Lansinoh HPA Lanolin for Breastfeeding Mothers

          Buy this and use this immediately! Use it often. Save the nips.

21. Medela Pump in Style Advanced Breast Pump


          My starter kit wasn't this elaborate, but I love my Medela pump! Either most or all insurance cover you getting a free pump, so call your company while pregnant and get more information. Mine was completely free, and I use it all the time! These help especially when you are producing too much milk and need to pump a little off to prevent engorgement, or when you are producing too little and need to up your supply by pumping between breastfeeding sessions.

22. Women's Nursing Seamless Bra

          I promise... last breastfeeding product!! This bra, y'all. I love it. Inexpensive and good quality! This makes life so much easier when breastfeeding and is way comfortable to sleep in.

23. Aveeno Baby Daily Bathtime Solutions Gift Set

          I have always loved Aveeno skincare products for myself, so I knew I wanted to try their baby skincare line for Lola. It has worked great and helps keep her soft little skin moisturized in this dry winter weather! I love the smell, too! She smells so clean, and it's not loaded with unnecessary fragrance.

24. Britax Back Seat Mirror

          Having a rear-facing carseat for infants is of course the safest for the baby, but being a new mom, it's so hard being in the car and not able to check on your newborn! That is what these are for. I promise you'll want one! 

25. Summer Infant Complete Baby Care Kit

          This kit has everything from a thermometer, to baby nail clippers, to a pacifier medicine dispenser. It's loaded with great stuff to take care of your newborn! 

26. Britax B-Agile and B-Safe Travel System

          After seeing tons of great reviews on safety and having heard even better things about it from friends, I decided to register for this travel system. I absolutely love it. It's not only one of the safest ones on the market, but also has a nice, sleek design. If you end up getting this travel system, I highly recommend going ahead and getting this Britax Stroller Organizer as well!

27. babyletto Madison Swivel Glider

          I'm all for functional, but style is just as important in my book. I found this perfect little glider with awesome reviews, and it is SO comfortable! I am so happy with how it looks in Lola's nursery and how functional it is for feeding her or rocking her to sleep.

Thanks for reading! If you have been through the newborn stage and have additional product recommendations, please feel free to add in the comments below! Also, what products would you recommend for our next stage, 3-6 months? We would love to hear about the products that make your life a little easier!

The Birth of Lola Jade

On November 12, 2014, my precious Lola Jade Moor was born! (If you have a short attention span and are just here for the "birth" details... skip to the last paragraph. You're welcome.) One thing I never understood before I had Lola was why people wrote about their "birth stories". I totally get it now. Birth is such a unique and memorable experience that deserves to be remembered! I also love reading others' birth stories because it allows you to hear about some of the most exciting and special times in their lives. I think sharing such precious experiences really promotes the special "sisterhood" between all mothers. (If you're confused as to what sisterhood I'm referring to, please watch this adorable new Similac commercial if you haven't seen it yet!)

Perfect, right? Such a great message! 

 For those who know me or have at least read my previous blog post, I thought I would get married at quite a bit older age. Plot twist! God had a way better plan for me than I could have ever imagined. I was blessed to marry the most amazing man (better than I could have ever dreamed of) at the age of twenty-one! We had a beautiful wedding surrounded by all of our loved ones. I still had about a year and a half of college left after that, and we both had decided we would wait a few years before we started trying to have children. 

My mom had a difficult time trying to get pregnant. Her and my dad had started trying right when they got married, and it took five years! If you have met my mom, you know I'm a lot like her (thankfully so). That being said, I figured fertility issues would be one of those things I inherited... so, you know, like a really responsible, intelligent young lady, I was not so consistent with taking my birth control. Well, about nine months and one Christian conference getaway (conveniently named "Passion" and scheduled Valentines weekend) later... guess who got pregnant?! LOL. (I'm not sure if "LOL" is blog-appropriate but I think it's clear appropriateness isn't my strong suit). As huge of a surprise as it was, I felt relieved, at peace, and most importantly--blessed. I felt relief that I hadn't inherited fertility issues. I felt at peace because I knew God had (and still has) His hand on our little family. Children may be surprises, but they are never accidents! And I felt blessed because I knew I was going to receive one of the most perfect gifts that only God can give... a child. I also felt blessed that I was getting to experience all of this with my amazing husband, who I had absolute no doubt would make the best father! We went out to dinner with both of our parents and had our server bring out baby shoes (one boy shoe, one girl shoe) on a serving platter. It was so amazing to see the looks on their faces when they realized what it meant! After we told them, I wanted to tell my brother who was currently at  YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in Australia. It took a while for our schedules to match up, and finally we were able to FaceTime him and tell him the news! After our immediate family knew, we decided to announce our pregnancy before the recommended time of thirteen weeks (which is another topic I might cover in a future post). We got our two fur children up on their dog couch and posed them with this sign, aiming for a bodyguard theme. It turned out pretty adorable, if I say so myself! I believe I was about five and a half weeks along at this time.

I love my fur babies! Two and a half weeks later, we had our first ultrasound and got to see our precious peanut wiggling around on the screen. I also had discovered the "BabyBump" app (definitely recommend!), which gave us weekly updates on our growing little babe. It was so special to read about the growth our little baby was experiencing in the womb! I loved to read them with Jason so we could share those exciting moments together. I believe it was week thirteen and hearing that our baby was the size of a peach that made my big, manly husband cry like a little girl... And yes, it was the sweetest thing ever. We had our second ultrasound at thirteen weeks, and our third at eighteen weeks, when they told us the sex of our baby! I had a feeling early on in pregnancy that I was having a girl... And I was right! We knew we wanted to do a gender reveal, and being the last-minute and fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants couple we are, we planned it for just a few days later. My creative mother came up with the idea of putting pink food coloring in water guns and shooting it at our friends and family! We opted to shoot all the guys because I didn't know how many women would show up to a party knowing they were going to be shot by water guns. We decided to do the announcement shortly into the party in fear I would slip up and spill the secret before the grand reveal. Well, turns out we know me well because I still ended up spilling the secret early to half the party guests! It still was so much fun, and I was so excited to announce we were having a little Lola!

Second trimester was my favorite. My belly wasn't huge yet, I wasn't dealing with first trimester fatigue, and I had just found out I was having a girl so of course I was doing lots of shopping. Also, I graduated from college the last week of second trimester, so although I was not enjoying waddling in heels all over and around the stadium in hot Texas weather, I was so happy to finally be done! Then third trimester rolled around. It drug on... and on... and on. I was so ready to meet my little princess. I was convinced I would give birth early. CONVINCED. And since I was right about having a girl, I pretty much knew I was right about when I would go into labor. I am here to tell you I was wrong. Very, very wrong. I decided to be induced five days after my due date if I hadn't yet gone into labor. Those were the longest five days o f  m y  l i f e . I was huge, and I was miserable. And more than anything, I wanted to meet my precious baby girl. 

I was getting induced on a Wednesday, and since I wasn't effaced, I had to come in Tuesday night so they could get that taken care of. As open as I am on social media, I didn't tell many people when I was getting induced because I didn't want any surprise visits for my super-irritable self. Plus, I think birth (especially the first child) is a very special and intimate time for a husband and wife, so I wanted space to enjoy it and go through it all with just Jason. So Tuesday they gave me the cervix-softener and a little bit of the inducing drug (Pitocin) and the contractions came pretty quickly. They were extremely painful, as you've probably heard, but they didn't want to give me the epidural right away. Tuesday night I didn't sleep much because I was too busy gritting my teeth and squeezing the crap out of the bedrails. They finally gave me some pain medication that put me to sleep for three or four hours. Thank Jesus for that stuff because I don't know if I could have functioned for what was ahead without a little sleep!! When I woke up, I was fully effaced, dilated, and so they gave me the epidural, but the nurse informed me they were having a hard time finding and keeping her heartbeat. They decided to do an internal heart monitor, and realized we couldn't find it because with every contraction, it was dropping significantly. The nurse told one of the other nurses to get ahold of my doctor and tell her to get there as soon as possible. My mom and Jason were in the room with me, and I am so thankful for their support in those moments! Although it was a scary situation, I had a supernatural sense of peace that everything was going to be okay. Thankfully my doctor lived in the neighborhood next to the hospital, so she showed up within minutes. Her hair was still soaking wet since she was just getting out of the shower when she got the call! She monitored Lola's heart rate and we watched as it was dropping more and more every contraction. She said, "Here's the thing. I don't know what is making her heart rate drop, so we can wait a little longer to see if it works itself out, which could turn into an emergency, or we can just go ahead and do the C-section." I said, "Let's just get her out!" So, within an hour of that conversation I was wheeled into the operation room and in surgery, with my wonderful husband by my side holding my hand. Let me just tell you... C-sections are super weird. The fact that someone is cutting you open and operating on you while you are awake is weird, especially when your husband and all the doctors and nurses are watching! It seemed like all of thirty seconds before they pull out this messy, swollen-faced, but BEAUTIFUL dark-haired little baby girl. I was able to watch the nurses as they weighed her, measured her, wiped her down, and swaddled her up. They gave her to Jason, and he brought her close to my face so I could see her for a few minutes and kiss her before they took her to the nursery to check vitals. Within twenty to thirty minutes, I was stitched up and returned to my delivery room, and Jason comes walking in with our little Lola! I was able to cuddle her and feed her for the first time, and I fell more and more in love with her by the minute. Was it a rocky experience? Absolutely. But I wouldn't change the outcome for the world. Love you, Lola Jade. XOXO Mommy.

Married at 21

I just recently celebrated my first anniversary with my handsome, sweet, hilarious, and very hard-working husband! We got married May 25, 2013 surrounded by all our family and friends. It is still so surreal to me that I have been married for a year already! It's also crazy to think that I'm celebrating this anniversary at only 22 years old. If you would have told me in high school I would be married at 21, celebrating my first anniversary and ALSO expecting my first child at 22... I would have told you that you were crazy. And I would mean that whole-heartedly too! This is why...

My whole life I've been told I'm too picky or that I expect too much, and I even believed that about myself. If the marriage conversation ever came up before, I would always tell people that I'm probably gonna be at least 35 or 40 before I got married because it would take that long for me to find someone. Even though I would laugh when I said it, I truly worried that I would really never find the "right" guy, and if I did find him, I would be too busy picking him apart to notice he was "the one". I've dated a few sweet guys throughout high school, and also some not-so-sweet guys as well. Some guys were perfect on paper, but the relationship just never seemed to work out. If it was a good guy and didn't work out, I would wonder what on earth was wrong with me. I would try to figure out what I could have done or said better. Let's be honest... it sucked! It sucks when you think in your head you've found a great guy who you've felt you've done everything right with, just to feel like a failure when it doesn't work out. If I could send a message to high-school Shelby, I would tell her that good things aren't working out because God has even BETTER things planned. I would tell her that NOTHING is wrong with her, except for the fact that she's not trusting God in His timing! Eventually, towards the end of my senior year of high school, I decided to let go of what I wanted for relationships and to just stop worrying about guys all together. I decided to just focus on finishing off a great senior year, and just give the dating situation to God. Around the time of graduation, I had an idea of what I wanted in a guy, even though I still wasn't looking for "that" guy. I knew I was still young, and that I shouldn't be in a hurry. I knew that I only wanted to date with the intentions of finding the one I would one day marry. So I told God, "You know what, this is what I want." And I described exactly what I wanted. I prepared myself for a long wait. I figured maybe in college, maybe after college graduation, or maybe when I start my career. Just two weeks later, I met a guy named Jason at church and got to know him as we were preparing to be leaders at our church's summer youth camp. We became friends very quickly, and just had fun and laughed together! It felt so natural, but I wasn't ready to jump into anything just yet. I still wanted to focus on my relationship with God and allowing Him to lead me in the direction He wanted me to go. I still couldn't help but notice that Jason was everything I asked for, and then WAY more too! Seeing him lead and serve at camp was truly unforgettable, and seeing him worship God freely and whole-heartedly was my absolute favorite thing about him. The fact that he was truly seeking God and a man after God's own heart was so huge to me. What I also loved about him was that I always knew where he stood. He was confident and sure of what he wanted, and he PURSUED me. I had no questions about his feelings or his intentions or where his interests were because he chose me and then pursued. Can I tell you how refreshing that is? In a society where a lot of men expect the women to do the pursuing, and in a society when many men choose to pursue more than one woman at once, and in a society where women feel the need to pursue men because they aren't pursuing God or the men in their lives aren't pursuing them... It felt so good to be pursued by a real, godly man, and to know that his intentions were only for good. God literally blew my expectations of what I wanted and prayed for in a man, which was so insane because I went from thinking I was asking too much, to trusting God and allowing Him to bring a man into my life who was far more than I ever asked or prayed for. We stayed friends and courted a little throughout the summer, until August when we "officially" started dating. As if God hadn't done enough, we also realized that we were both attending the same college in the fall. He had applied last minute just a week or two before we met, and miraculously got accepted even though he was very late to apply! 

 Our whole relationship has truly been an unexpected but perfect gift from God. He has been with me through some of the hardest times in my life, and also the best times of my life, honestly because he was involved. We have cried together, we have laughed together, and then we have laughed and cried together even harder. He is my best friend and I love going through day-to-day life with him! I couldn't imagine it any other way. People like to question "young marriage" as if I'm missing out on life as a single woman. Let me tell you something... Nothing about the single-woman life sounds appealing because I am truly happy and having the best time of my life living and being married to my best friend?! I am having to learn to laugh off the comments people make about young marriage because I don't expect them to understand how amazing it is since they haven't experienced it. I hope they do experience finding the man or woman of their dreams and marrying them one day, but I know until then, they might just be close-minded. All I know is that you don't question a gift from God, and that's exactly what Jason and this marriage has been to me! We may not be what some consider financially comfortable or successful or whatever word you want to use, but we didn't say "I do" because we were agreeing to a perfect, trouble-free life. We said "I do" because we were promising each other to laugh, cry, celebrate, and struggle through life together, knowing God is our guide and true comfort through it all! 

All of this being said... I believe God has a different journey for everyone. I don't believe there's a right or wrong age for everyone to get married! I know people who have gotten married younger than me and have happy marriages, and I know people who've gotten married later than me and in all different stages in life and also have happy marriages. A God-orchestrated marriage is never at the wrong age or time! It will happen in perfect timing for God's plans for your life. Trusting the Lord in every journey, praising Him in the single season, and remembering Him and keeping Him first in the dating/marriage season is the only key to the joy and peace people are looking for. 

If you are discouraged, whether single or dating, remember how truly loved and precious you are to God! He made you for a reason and with a purpose. Being single doesn't mean that something is wrong with you! Often, it is God's way of protecting you from heartbreak and carrying baggage into your future marriage. Being dumped doesn't mean something is wrong with you, either! Take joy in knowing that God has better plans for you! If you are in a relationship where you know God isn't the center and you are unsure where it is heading... PRAY. If you have to lock yourself in your room or bathroom or closet and just get on your knees and talk to God... do it! Every second you spend in a relationship that isn't meant for you can bring you more harm and more heartache. If you still don't feel peace about that relationship, or if you feel God is telling you to let that relationship go, do it. The longer you wait, the more harm it causes the both of you. Things only get worse when you hold onto a relationship and a man that isn't for you! Find those sisters in Christ and go to them for prayer and encouragement to help you get up and out of that situation. God will bless you for your obedience. He will protect you and He will comfort you. God has a more perfect plan for your life, and all you have to do is give Him the reins! It is so, so worth it. And it is so rewarding. 

Wishing you all lots of love, happiness, and peace from above :)

xo

Shelby Cheryl